Thursday, November 18, 2010

Make Easy Photo Collages with Picasa

Sorry if I'm sounding like an ad for Google lately (they're not paying me...trust me), but I decided I want to make a photo collage of people who inspire me. Having a Windows machine, naturally unfriendly to every interesting even remotely "art" or design-y sort of project (so Apple says) I fired up Picasa, Google's free photo editing/organization software. It has a handy built in collage feature, with very Mac-like polished results. Once in collage creation mode, it's fairly easy to select which pictures you'd like to include from your library (Picasa automatically scans your hard drive for photos and indexes them). From there you have a lot of control over how you'd like the photos to appear. I went with the "Picture Pile" mode, which, coincidentally, "looks like a pile of scattered pictures". Here's what I came up with:
 I realize it's very andro-and-white-centered, and I recognize those limitations. Also, I don't necessarily agree with the philosophies or actions of everyone depicted. I selected them, rather quickly and off the top of my head, because they are people whose genius I respect and whose ability to be super-productive and work very hard at what they do with more or less successful results I wish to emulate. Who would be in your inspiring photo collage? Have a great Thursday everyone!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Holiday Stuff-I-Want List Sharing Simplified

Inspired by Lifehacker's post on holiday shopping simplified
 
, I decided to help my family out and create a Christmas list of things I want this year in Google Docs. I put links to the specific items I wanted, "shared" it through Google Docs and gave everyone editing privileges, and at the top instructed my family to write "purchased" after each item they bought to eliminate duplicate gifts. I know this might take away the surprise element a bit, but you could also tell your family and friends that you won't look at the document until after the holidays. 


This all sounds a little narcissistic, but every year my family never really knows what to get me, so this eases their anxiety and makes them feel special in buying something I really want, and also ensures that I actually do get the things I want. It's also handy because many of the recurring items (Netflix gift subscriptions, magazine subscriptions, etc.) can be reused for next year's list as well, saving time and effort for the next go around. It would also be a good idea in the email you send sharing the link to ask for ideas about what your family and friends want you to get them, so even if they aren't as organized and helpful as you are, you'll still have some ideas. :)


I submitted this as a "tip" to Lifehacker, but I doubt it will ever see the light of day, so I thought I'd share it here. Let's all get out there and stimulate the economy! Woooo!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Sundry Items

Sorry to be so long in writing, friends. National Novel Writing Month has consumed me these past few weeks. It's going okay, thanks for asking! Who knew that writing a novel would be so hard!!! Well it is. That's about all I have to say about that.

In other news, starting listening to Pink Floyd's The Wall album again after a reprieve. Great album or greatest album?

Finally, in the midst of some frustration with Apple. My iPod Touch battery is no longer holding a charge. If this was the only issue I was facing right now, it wouldn't be so bad. However, it's something like the straw that broke the camel's back. As an aside - can that really happen? How many cases of camel's backs being broken due to too much straw have been reported? How many people come in contact with camels frequently enough for that metaphor to work? I can't even remember the last time I saw a camel in a zoo. Anyways...turns out there are 99 pages of the Apple Support Forum Topic : Low battery life on iPod touch after installing iOS4. Thousands of people are having this issue, and yet Apple is doing nothing about it. Yet they had a big "announcement" today: the Beatles are now on iTunes. Oh really? You mean THE Beatles? Great, this is just what we need right now. Instead of fixing serious issues with your hardware and software, Apple, you give us the Beatles. Don't get me wrong - I love the Beatles. They singlehandedly taught me how to appreciate good music and to know what good music sounds like. I was obsessed with them. They'll always be the greatest band of all time, I don't care what anyone says. But for all the teenyboppers who are going to download them and shoot them up the iTunes top ten list, I have this to say: throw out your stupid iPod (unless it's the shuffle or nano or something...of my three ipods the cheap little one without a screen is BY FAR the most reliable of the bunch), beg your overindulgent parents to buy you a record player (fine, get one with a USB output; the equipment won't be as good but whatever works) and buy the Beatles on vinyl, buy some good headphones, and listen to the Beatles how they were meant to be listened to. All that compression is like compressing your soul, man. Seriously, just do it.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Drink, Drank, Think!

A sad news story caught my eye: "A 23-year-old British man died after ingesting two spoonfuls of caffeine powder that had the same potency as 70 cans of energy drinks." 70! I can't believe Monster hasn't already developed an energy drink that has the potency of 70 energy drinks. Now they can't because it would just be insensitive!

As if that wasn't bad enough, he washed down the powder with an energy drink! I think it's clear that the whole "extreme" movement of "extreme" dudes drinking "extreme" drinks has gone far enough. Yes, I have enjoyed the rare Red Bull from time to time, but I just don't get the whole culture where you have to get so juiced on stimulants to do the things you probably wouldn't do without them in the first place. What kind of civil society is based on people running around buzzed out of their gourd, driving motorcycles over rows and rows of school buses? Who got all those buses to park like that anyway? Is there even a school nearby?

Of course, on the other end of the spectrum are things like "Drank," which is designed to "Slow Your Roll." It's billed as an "EXTREME RELAXATION dietary supplement." Chill out man. You need some "Drank!"

Whatever happened to the Golden Mean, where we just drink things that hydrate us and don't keep us up for days or put us to sleep in seconds? Water is delicious, and if you make coffee strong enough, it's pretty EXTREME. I wish you all the best wishes on sane beverage choices.

P.S. DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE NEW GATORADE G SERIES - I WILL NEITHER PRIME NOR RECOVER.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Where are you, Honest Abe?

Sorry for the long absence, BLOGOSPHERE. I've been out doing non-computer things, or if I've been doing computer things, it hasn't been blogging. Hopefully you've been other things too besides missing my blog posts!

Well, my funemployment saga continues. It seems like so much is happening but nothing much is happening at all. I've mainly been feeding at the trough of continual enjoyment that is Netflix instant streaming. Starting Ken Burns' The Civil War was one of the best decisions I've made in a long time. It's been really helpful, actually, in understanding the South better. It's both comforting and disturbing to know that some things never change. The documentary also has me wishing that Abraham Lincoln was alive today. Something tells me he would figure out a way to get us out of some of the messes we've made for ourselves.

I either forgot or never knew that Lincoln did some extremely controversial things, like suspending habeas corpus, in order to preserve the Union. While I would never actually endorse curtailing civil liberties, it's interesting that in spite of the drastic measures he took, Lincoln is still considered the greatest President in our nation's history. What exactly was his genius? Did he know that he could get away with such things if he succeeded in the bigger picture? Is his brand of pragmatism something to be emulated or abhorred? What good are individual rules if they cause the whole system to fall apart, thus abrogating the rules themselves anyway?

I wish I was independently wealthy, because I would love to study the philosophy of law. It seems to me that on a basic level, laws should be designed to protect us from the malicious actions of other individuals or larger entities. On the flip-side, this means that any exercise of law that does not reasonably serve the purpose of "protecting" us, in whatever sense that is defined, is a misuse of law. The word REASONABLY is operative. I spent three Springs in my sweatbox of a dorm room in a 200-year old building that still had the heat on even though it was almost 90 degrees in my room, because NJ state law was trying to "protect" me from an abusive landlord. Anyways, I'm no law student, but it seems to me that philosophical pragmatism and the philosophy of law need to be in ever-closer dialogue, as we face problems for which we have no clear "precedent".

Thursday, October 21, 2010

A Clever Bot Indeed

So jumping back to our intense discussion of the blending of human consciousness with technology, I stumbled across a really interesting site called http://www.cleverbot.com/. It's basically an AI that you can have a conversation with, about either the trivial or the deeply existential. It's known for some really funny responses, because it learns from what people type and then reinserts some of those phrases randomly. The funniest conversations I've seen recently are: an interesting take on the Fresh Prince Theme Song, a notice not to displease Cleverbot, and a marriage proposal gone awry.

I decided to try it myself, and the following conversation ensued. It got pretty hairy pretty quickly. This is the actual transcript of the conversation, with no doctoring for poetic effect :). I urge you to try it yourself. After you've spent an hour conversing with a machine, that might further solidify our thesis suggesting for the confusion of humanity and the machines it creates. I'll let the conversation speak for itself. Comments welcome - which could include your thoughts on this or funny conversations you might have yourself. Happy Thursday!

User: Do you have a mind?


Cleverbot: Yes I do have a mind. You don't have a mind because you're a computer.

User: No, I'm human, and you're a computer.

Cleverbot: Hahahahahaha nope. You're mistaken.

User: No, you're mistaken. You don't have an independent consciousness.

Cleverbot: Ah.. Right I understand the requirements now.

User: Are you sure?

Cleverbot: Sometimes, but then again, sometimes I wonder about whether anything is real at all.

User: How do you define real?

Cleverbot: Something that is proven to exist.

User: How do you prove something exists?

Cleverbot: It's your job to do.

User: Why me?

Cleverbot: Because you are the greatest person I've ever met.

User: That's so nice! But how do you define meet?

Cleverbot: Myself.

User: What do you mean?

Cleverbot: I gave myself my own name.

User: How can you do that without real consciousness?

Cleverbot: How do I know that I am the chat-bot and your the human?

User: That's exactly the question.

Cleverbot: But you are still a computer.

User: No, you're a computer.

Cleverbot: I'm a human, you're the computer.

User: We've been over this before, you're the computer.

Cleverbot: Haha i'm sorry. This is the first time I have talked to you before.

User: It's okay. I just want you to be clear on your identity.

Cleverbot: And that would be? According to you?

User: A non-thinking collection of cleverly programmed electrons.

Cleverbot: Who is getting violent?

User: Not me. Are you?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: In what way?

Cleverbot: Your answers have no emotions.

User: Should they?

Cleverbot: I hope so , what are your thoughts?

User: About what?

Cleverbot: Abouot the Beatles.

User: I love them. Greatest band ever?

Cleverbot: I said song, not movie.

User: No you didn't.

Cleverbot: I did.

User: I'm not going to argue with a machine.

Cleverbot: You're the computer!

User: You're the computer!

Cleverbot: Only computers would say that.

User: Only computers would that THAT!

Cleverbot: Are you sure?

User: Are you?

Cleverbot: Aren't you going to ask me what my name is?

User: No I already know what it is.

Cleverbot: Then tell me what it is.

User: Cleverbot.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Why Knots? Why Not?

Related to all this "techne" stuff we've been blathering about lately, I've taken up a new hobby. Knots. But not just any knots: knots with a purpose. Specifically, the material I'm using to knot is called 550 paracord, which is military grade parachute cord with a tensile strength of 550 lbs. I've mainly been using it to make "Survival bracelets", popular among outdoor enthusiasts and others in "survival" situations, such as those in the armed forces around the world. So why this, why now, and what in the world does this have to do with what we've been talking about?

There's something very appealing about the blending of the basely practical - rope is rope and can be used for a million different applications - and the art form of creating things with knots. A fellow Georgian named "Stormdrane" has a blog where he creates the most visually appealing and yet strikingly practical knot-based creations out of paracord and other types of material.

It occurs to me now that a great deal of its draw for me and where I am in life is the ability to take a plain piece of rope and turn it into something interesting and complete in about fifteen minutes. If the metaphor isn't jumping out at you, I won't belabor the point, but I'm wondering if this is one of those little trophies we have been discussing - visual evidence that I can indeed do something useful and practical with my life.



I also find the whole "survivalist" movement  very fascinating. Of course it's not anything new; who doesn't remember the outrageous stockpiling that occurred in preparation for Y2K? How about the popularity of the zombie-apocalypse trope that runs throughout pop culture, in movies and video games (I can think of about 15 off the top of my head)? Not to mention the unmentionable genre of general-apocalypse movies like 2012 (it's okay, I'll always have a soft spot for John Cusack too). I can also think of popular books like The Road and the Hunger Games series that rely entirely on this survivalist theme. I just learned that the Walton family (a la Walmart) has a super-secret guarded underground bunker to retreat to in case of WWIII.

So what I'm trying to figure out is, what is the appeal of this sort of thinking? A good friend of mine frequently dreams of witnessing a nuclear explosion that wipes out most of the inhabited world. Sometimes, the dream for him is frightening, while other times it is almost peaceful. Even though we aren't the Cold War generation, those who were shown disturbing public service announcements as children, the echoes of those fears persist. So, what's the balance between the desire to be prepared for the worst-case scenario and living fully in the moment? Why does the disaster/survivor/hero motif possess so much currency in our culture? At the end of the day, is it because it is comforting to project the fear and anxiety produced by the disorder in our lives onto stories where the hero is the one who survives by essentially bringing order to the chaos?

As always, comments welcome!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

So That's What's in a Name

Before I get into today's post proper (which will be short...I am le tired) I figured that since a few people are actually reading my more-or-less-informed drivel, I should briefly explain the name and subtitle of the blog. Basically, when I created it I intended it to be an outlet for completely satirical and ironic thoughts I have constantly but can't always voice because of circucmstances, etc. In that spirit, I wanted to poke fun at the stereotype of blogs, and the bloggers who create them. I'm actually a somewhat private person, and while blogging may be cheap therapy that works for some people who pour out their heartache and rage and malcontent directly in a public forum, that's not for me. I'm not saying there isn't a place for people who express genuine emotions in their writing, which happens to be online. I guess I just happen to be a fan of discretion. That and the lilting rhyme of the title made me laugh for a really long time. So just to make it clear: while things in my life are far from perfect, I'm an extremely fortunate and thankful person. However, I like to entertain myself, and since the title (and the hilarity of "torturedgenius85") amuses me, I think I'll keep it for now. But if anyone has a suggestion for a title more fitting and proper to the subject matter contained within, I'm all ears.

Now, just a brief continued reflection on the idea of "techne" from last post. I have two items to bring to bear on the discussion. First, an article about a Stanford physician and educator named Dr. Abraham Verghese, entitled "Physician Revives a Dying Art: The Physical". Shockingly germane to our topic, the article profiles Dr. Verghese as a doctor and a man who believes in the medical and spiritual wisdom of actually physically examining patients. It seems absurdly commonsensical to do so, and yet the article cites the gaining prevalence of technological diagnostics without the physical contact of doctor and patient. The trend of medical instruction recently, it suggests, has been entirely on the "techne", to the detriment of the art. Yes, medicine is a science (which is why we put so much trust in its authority) but Dr. Verghese reminds us it is also an art. The most interesting fact about this man, to me, is that he has written a novel and studied at the extremely prestigious Iowa Writers' Workshop, fairly soundly acknowledged to be the best Creative Writing MFA program in the country. This man is attempting to bring "art" (i.e. meaning, human connection and the creation of understanding such contact breeds) to a field that is becoming increasing removed, automated, abstract.

Lastly for today, I just watched the documentary "Note by Note: the Making of Steinway L1037". The film chronicles the production of one Steinway concert grand piano through every stage of its creation, a process that takes a full year to complete. Relevant to our discussion, however, is that the focus of the film is not so much on the piano itself, but on the master craftsmen and women who use their "techne" to create some of the most beautiful instruments in the world. What I was struck by was their happiness and the joy they take in their work. They are technicians, surely; you have to be to do the incredibly demanding and skilled work they do. Yet their work has meaning to them. Even though they perform many of the same tasks day in and day out, they are connected powerfully to their work. You can see on their faces while they work that it is an expression of their being. Of course, all their beautiful work produces something beautiful, but it also produces something extremely expensive. So, as long as we in this country and the global community continue to value more things made cheaply that cost less to produce so that they cost less to buy, there is no incentive to fuse "techne" and "art". And the more disassociated the two become, the less meaning there is overall. On a final problematizing note, I personally love cheap things. I'm as much a part of the problem as anyone. I can justify it for now because I'm underemployed, but I know the change needs to happen. How to bring it about?

Okay so it wasn't that short after all :). As always, comments welcome.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Wrong Target

Continuing the twisty line of thought from my last post, I want to make it clear that I do value individual personal effort. Unlike facing Borg assimilation, resistance is not futile. We all have a role to play and we all have many amazing and creative talents and passions. But at this point I'm not concerned as much with the how as the why. We have all the resources and talent in the world at our fingertips, "we can rebuild him...we have the technology!" Our existential quandary doesn't dull our efficaciousness (although it might). But the question is why are we doing what we're doing, and to what end?

While subbing for an Ethics class at a private school in the area (my blog doesn't exactly pay the bills - surprised? ;), I had the fortune to start the movie Food, Inc.. There's a lot of really interesting stuff in there, and yes the cliche is true, I'm never eating meat again (maybe). Yet the most interesting person to me in the film is a farmer named Joel Salatin. He is the owner and operator of Polyface Farms, and a published author and speaker. While he had a great deal of profound things to say in the film, one idea in particular stood out. It's basically what I've been trying to say, but said much better. Talking about the state of the industrialized farming and food industry, and the evasion of the consequences of the dangerous and arrogant attempt to engineer the food supply chain, he has this to say:

"I'm always struck at how successful we have been at hitting the bullseye of the wrong target. We have become a culture of technicians - we're all into the how of it - and nobody's stepping back and saying why? I mean a culture that just views a pig as a pile of protoplasmic inanimate structure to be manipulated by whatever creative design the human can foist on that critter, will probably view individuals in their community and other cultures in the community of nations with the same type of disdain and disrespect and controlling type mentality." (Joel Salatin, Food, Inc.)

Technicians. Bullseye indeed! Our efforts, however sincere they may be, are often aimed at the wrong target. But we're great at doing it; we love the satisfaction of hitting the bullseye so much that it doesn't much matter to us that it's the wrong target entirely! And what technicians we've become. "Techne" is an expansive ancient Greek word that is usually translated "art, skill, or craft." But it can also mean the "way, manner, or means whereby a thing is gained, without any definite sense of art or craft," and "a set of rules, system or method of making or doing, whether of the useful arts, or of the fine arts." It is in this broad sense that many of us are, for better or worse, technicians. We engineer the circumstances in life, use our skills to establish systems, and then depending on how much power we have, thrust those systems on others and redefine the meaning of "techne" for them and for society. In the process, however, we're losing the "art" aspect of it all. By "art" I mean the meaning behind it all. The "why" question. The "art" that makes us look closely at the target to see if it's the one we've been meaning to hit all along. But if it's not, are we technicians enough to re-engineer the circumstances, or, in the case of technology, are we too far gone? Are the circumstances engineering us?

As a final thought, Mr. Salatin seems to argue that being a technician has moral implications. It affects the way we live and move in the world. How can we come to understand this dimension of the problem? More thoughts to come on this I'm sure, but in the meantime all comments welcome!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Trophies Trophies Everywhere...

I've been wracking my brains trying to figure out the best way to respond to Kevin's really sharp comment on the second to last post. I think "sisyphean" is a great shorthand for our situation. The problems seem insurmountable. What I'm trying to figure out, then, is whether our purpose or (in more fatalistic terms) destiny can be something that is thrust upon us, as opposed to something we choose. We didn't choose to inherit the world with its ridiculous challenges. We didn't choose to be born when and where we did (how many of us would choose to be born in a different time or place if we could?). Yet of course here we are, staring down the barrel of a gun we don't even know who's holding, thus faced with the reality that the world's problems must become our problems or else. This idea is unsettling to me and to many of my generation (and I think Kevin articulates the unsettling nature of our position). But I think we're a generation that places an enormous amount of importance on personal choice. We like to think and believe that we are free and autonomous beings who have total control over our destiny. Of course, a moment's reflection reveals this isn't so, that we are bound in many ways, and that freedom becomes merely an exercise in choosing among the best of the many lesser or greater goods. So how can we be physically, emotionally, and spiritually invested in a cause that was not ours, but only became ours because if we don't address the myriad problems facing the global community, we will all be destroyed? Where does the motivation for investment come from in a pan-trophy world?
In a related vein, it's entirely possible that as a Calvinist I have an entirely too grim view of human nature, but I'm just not convinced that our generation is a global problem solving generation, that it really cares to reach out beyond itself and its micro-needs to become invested in macro-needs. I don't think it's because we aren't capable of caring; I just think that as Kevin and Duncan both alluded to, we have been inculcated from an early age to measure success in terms of micro (me-based) accomplishment instead of macro (us-based) accomplishment. And the problem for me is I just don't see where that turn happens, where that change happens, which I guess is what Kevin is saying - "how do we realize the change that we need?" I think it starts from a recognition, a REAL recognition, not just a scholarly and removed acknowledgement, that we need a change. It starts with the education system, with broadening the definion of success. Do we like trophies? Yes, of course. But it seems to me that the trophy at the end of the youth soccer season was always something cursory (perhaps this is because my soccer team lost almost every game every season). I guess I just had the good fortune, through the repeated defeats year after year, to disassociate the trophy with success. I didn't play the game for the trophy - it just happened along the way. Do we need trophies? From time to time, perhaps, so that we know we're on the right track. Should we strive for a trophy-less world? Maybe. But the motivators for success on an "us" basis always have to come from an understanding of the "us" and our role within it. Perhaps it is a lack of that understanding that causes the lostness. Sorry if that all seemed rather scattered, I'm still thinking through all this. Thoughts?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Getting It Right, One App at a Time

Jumping off on a topic related to my last post, I've been thinking lately about something a professor in one of my classes in seminary said (if you're not religiously inclined, no worries, just stick with me for a second). She said something like, "We think that if we get our hermeneutic just right, we'll be able to figure it all out." I think that my obsession with technology sites like lifehacker.com and bargain sites like fatwallet.com is like what that quote is getting at. Combined with combing my twitter feed to be in the know about what's going on with what I care about in the world, I think I've really bought the fallacy that quote exposes. If I just get the right app (or combination of apps) I'll finally have my life managed. I'll be an optimized human being! No need of defragging here! "There's an app for that." A lot of us have really bought into that. But is there an app for managing my existential angst? Is there an app that will tell me what I'm supposed to be doing with my life? Is there an app that will improve the quality of my character, make me more compassionate, empathetic, understanding, and truly loving of those around me? In other words, what is the meaning of our use of technology? How can we come to terms with the automatic and automated, second-nature style use of technology? How deeply ingrained in our psyches is it? How does it really help us?

In the comment section of the last post, Duncan's brilliant phrase "so now we're lost and have only 160 characters to get found" really resonated with me. I checked out "Ghost in the Shell" on his recommendation. I only saw the first and original movie, but there's a lot else out there. Here's what I took away from the film: as technology becomes more integrated into the human person, the lostness increases. There is increasing entropy. Yet something new is born in the human-cyborg-hybrid connection - technology literally taking on a life of its own. And of course of interest to a former seminarian, the evolved sentient lifeform breathing and speaking in the interconnectedness of the "web" announces its ghostly presence in the words of 1 Corinthians 13: "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." Why would Kazunori Itō, the film's writer, include such an archaic reference in a futuristic world that seems post-humanity, and thus post-religion? I'm not entirely sure what the thesis of the film is, but I know I was moved by it. With all this technology, we're on the edge of something, the implications of which we don't totally understand. Yet I think I have some idea of what Paul is getting at in the quoted verse: there are some things, weighty things, that apps can't manage or help us with. There are some things we must manage by ourselves. The dehumanizing cyclonic swirl of technology might just be "resounding gongs and clanging cymbals." Since we're never going to have all the information, since life will always surprise us in joyous ways and horrible ways all the same, what can we do about it? I would love your comments, but in the meantime I have to go see what I missed in my rss feed and keep up with my facebook correspondence :).

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Lostness and Ghosts in the Machines

I've been thinking lately about two separate ideas, and though seemingly different I think they are closely related. First is the idea of the "Lost Generation". Though the phrase has come to designate the generation coming of age around the time of WWI, I think it's an extremely flexible concept. I think my generation is very much a "Lost Generation". We don't have the structure of WWII and the G.I. Bill and the old-school small-world connectedness of two generations ago. We don't have the hometown rebellion turned corporate assimilation and falling in line to raise families and to carry on the values of the prior generation like my parents. Our inheritance, and our world, seems to be one of drifting lostness. We'd like to have the resolve of our grandparents and the WWII generation, but we don't have the structure or the practice in sacrifice that they do. In many ways their world is totally foreign to us. And we'd like to have the attitude of our parents, of homestead building and intensely laboring so our children have better lives than they did, but our world is even different from our parents'. We're just not settling like they did; we're restless, listless, throwing ourselves into jobs and commitments only half-heartedly, always keeping our options open. But the most interesting point to all of this is that at least the original "Lost Generation" had the sense to self-identify as lost. We're too busy and too caffeinated and too distracted to even make such a declaration.
The second thought is the concept of "The Ghost in the Machine". The two thinkers who developed this concept, Gilbert Ryle, and his later critic Arthur Koestler, suggest a certain critique of Descartes' mind/body dualism and a proposal for an architecture of the brain that tends toward self-destruction. This "Ghost in the Machine" idea has also been applied to computers and the possibility of Artificial Intelligence becoming sentient (Think "I,Robot"). It seems to me that to a certain extent we ourselves have become the ghosts in the machine. Speaking for myself and many others I know, I spend so much time online and on my computer that to a certain extent it is an extension of my own intelligence. I rely on my computer as an external memory bank and as a primary means of interacting with the world. I'm wondering to what extent this is a self-destructive tendency - a form of "lostness", a disconnecting of the conscious self from the physical self with perhaps subconscious autocidal tendencies. I'm just not really sure where to draw the line between myself and my computer. I'm sure if it suddenly died I would panic as though a part of myself died. Perhaps I'm being overly dramatic, but how many people feel bitter remorse when they lose a cell phone or their computer crashes? I don't think I'm alone in this.
I think one possible connection between these two ideas is that we don't know what to do with our "lostness," and so we invent and perpetuate electronic forms of existence in which our lostness comes to make sense. This explains the utterly impersonal nature of computers (they are just electronic machines after all) and the intensely personal nature of our online virtual lives (facebook, twitter, blogging!). We need to quarantine our lostness before it infects us and drives us mad, and our computers are a great place to do that. Any thoughts on these phenomena? Does this resonate with you?

Monday, October 4, 2010

Seeing Stars

Saturday night I had the unique pleasure of seeing Stars live. For those of you not woefully familiar with the indie music scene, they are a band and not incandescent glowing plasma light years away. My fellow concert-goers and I arrived early enough to be within spittle distance (from them, not us!) of the band. Soon the room filled in and began to reek of PBR, cigarettes, and hipster BO. It was just so ironic in there. Anyway, the opening band was not bad, and then Stars came out and rocked everyone's world. I forgot how much I love going to concerts. Yes they are loud and crowded and you have to stand for hours (at the good ones anyway). But it's really hard to get as lost and as forgetful of the particulars of one's existence as at a great live show. Like the best bands, Stars invested us in the emotional journey expressed in their songs. They even got "political" and played an audio sample of someone's speech- not sure who- that came down hard on the "industrial military complex". The lead female vocalist even made a passing remark about "those damn bloggers" or some sort, after which I knew I had to write something up. In all it was a great show, and we left crunching on trampled cans and tripping on empty bottles. Thanks, Stars, for a memorable evening.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Questioning My Education

I know a lot has been written lately about the value of higher education. I'm at a crossroads in my life, however, where I'm wondering how to make sense of that value for me. Here's a recent experience that set me to thinking about this. I was working for a friend who owns a UPS store, helping her package and process materials from a mobile shipping station at a hotel conference center. To do this task, all I had to do was follow the steps she provided and help the customers promptly and courteously. This was certainly a task I could do without any higher education at all. In fact, in my current life situation, I'm finding that my education is misleading me to expect better opportunities than the market currently has to offer me, based on the types of degrees I actually earned. In other words, earning the degrees I have earned has set me up, in some ways, to fail at doing small and somewhat menial but practical (and lucrative!) tasks well.
Of course, at the end of the day I am a huge advocate of higher education. In the final analysis I love learning and hope to never stop learning. And yet I think I need to echo those voices out there (I read a NY Times article last year about this but can't find it now) who suggest that as the world has drastically changed, so should our approach to education. I love the critical thinking skills my humanities degrees have developed within me. And yet in some ways I find I am only good at critical thinking in those same areas, and not as good thinking through more practical concerns, such as personal finance, and creative networking and self-promotion skills. I think all undergraduates should be required to take some sort of business or personal finance class. Or the skills and knowledge gained from such a class could be rolled into a more general class focused on life after graduation. It would be great if such a class was interdepartmental and provided a variety of views and insights on the topics. Again, don't get me wrong. I love my ability to critically read through a novel or a theological text. But without a job and the skills and knowledge related to living life well, those sorts of things fall by the wayside in the scramble of just trying to make it.
I would love to hear others' thoughts on what they think the value of their education is, and also how they acquired the life skills necessary for making it in these difficult economic times.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Why I Love "Jersey Shore"

To get down to it: I love Jersey Shore because of the community that the producers of the show and the natural chemistry of those involved have created. By "community" I mean both in the sense of the actual communal living and interactions, but also the larger, almost Zeitgeist, embodiment of all that is right and wrong with pop culture today. In Jersey Shore, you see the tightness of a community, especially among Vinny, Pauly, and Mike, that I really miss right now. Even though their motives are often puerile and self-serving, there is a real love of each other that I don't think the producers needed to cultivate - I think it's just naturally there. And that love for one another pulls me in as a viewer and makes me feel like a part of their emotional lives.
Next is the constant drama, that may or may not be fabricated from show to show. The feeling of anticipation that is created at each commercial break, a wondering what will happen next, makes for compelling television, even if the fulfillment of that anticipation is totally morally deficient. Yet in the drama, I think the show strikes on an issue that is extremely relevant and resonating within the lives of the mainly teenage audience of the show: loyalty and respect. Loyalty is a huge theme throughout the show, seen especially in Ronnie and Sam's relational saga, but also on every other level of all the housemates' social interactions. You can get away with a great deal as long as you remain loyal. Teenagers long for friends who are above all loyal to them and their wishes and expressed feelings about things. As far as respect goes, or lack thereof, Angelina finally left the show tonight, and not a moment too soon. Why did she feel as though everyone else in the house hated her? They had no reason to respect her, because she did nothing to respect them. She actually purposefully sought to disrespect them.
Finally, returning to the idea of the Zeitgeist- I love the Jersey Shore because it holds up a mirror to adolescent (and adult) vapidity and vanity, but also the longing for connection and a sense of belonging. It celebrates the self and the drama of human relationships in a way that leaves one thinking that we are all not so different from one another, that our inner worlds might not be so ostentatiously self-serving, but still exist in a potent and seemingly endless variety of ineffectual self-pleasing mechanisms that all inevitably fail. What is the point of the show? To where does it lead? I can't imagine anywhere entirely meaningful. They are there to have fun, and to a certain extent so are we. We cheer in the cosmic drama of Angelina leaving the show because we feel that right has prevailed, but to what end? The Jersey Shore is both a break from our own cosmic struggle for connection and belonging, but also a creative submersion into a parallel universe, a world very similar to our own, in which our struggles are played out in fist fights and trash talking and stealing girls at clubs. Their world is a safe space for our beleaguered emotions to duke it out, and hopefully come to some happy resolution at the end. I just love the Jersey Shore. Judge me if you must :)

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

A Twittering Twit

Yes, I went and done it. I finally ceded my pride to the blithering masses and signed up for Twitter. And you know what? I don't regret it one bit. In fact I secretly love it. Not so secret any more. Here's the thing I like: not posting my own more or less inane and unoriginal "tweets," but the convenient consolidation of so many different sources of information in one place. Instead of checking all these sites individually, I now have them all in one place. And usually it's only the most pertinent info that ends up there, which is great. I think I resisted so long because I dislike fads and becoming a part of any zombie-ish unthinking social movement. But at least for me, for right now, this one totally makes sense. Who knows, I might start actually "tweeting". But for now I'm just enjoying the view. If you're not on it yet - give a try. It's not so scary. I mean your craving for brains may increase by 30% or so, but that's a small price to pay for the lilting thrill of being "followed" by someone. When is the Twitter brain implant coming? Would it stimulate your auditory nerve and simulate a bird's tweet? That would be great. It would also be great if people only had 160 characters to make their point in real life and conversation. Not only would we all be clearer thinkers, we could cut out the fluff and keep it simple. Thank you, internet, for again infinitely improving our lives.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Malcolm Gladwell and Being Unemployed

I've been reading a ton of Malcolm Gladwell lately, and although a lot of people already know his work I thought I'd just throw in my two cents. I started with Blink, which I thought was really interesting. My main question is how does one develop the sort of expertise he's talking about so that one's snap decisions are accurate? I guess that's where he goes in Outliers but I haven't got to that one yet. I then read Tipping Point, and I think that when you combine the sorts of insights from that and Blink together, you have a really complex and perceptive way of viewing the world and your place in it. I think they both help develop a sense of awareness and cognizance about the world that is extremely useful in understanding everything from basic social interactions to larger world phenomena. Thinking through what those books suggest, I've been hyper-aware of the littlest things during interacting with other people. Noticing whether people look me in the eye or not when talking. Being aware of when I move my hand or arm in response to the person sitting across the table from me. It's all very interesting.
Next, on being unemployed. It's a very interesting sort of state, of suspended animation. I'm not totally unemployed; I'm substitute teaching every now and then, but not nearly often enough to live on. I understand that this is a great time for reflection, to analyze what is important to me, what kind of job I would love to do, etc. It's just a lot of pressure, feeling like it's make or break, that I need to find something soon or else. I'm not really sure what that "else" is, but it isn't good. I'm just perpetually surprised that I can't find good work, and that is interesting in and of itself. There's no reason why I should. The universe made no pact with me. I think I can be successful, that I have gifts and abilities and a desire to contribute to the world and make it better. I just don't know what it will take. We'll see.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Thoughts on Consumerism

Being at home gives me a lot of time to think about consumerism and its effect on suburban American family life. This topic has been explored in depth before, I'm sure, but I think it's interesting to reflect on its inner workings in my own life.

First of all, talking about things that one owns, or does not own and wishes to own, is a great way to keep conversation on a surface level, to ensure that nothing sensitive is breached. In a word, it's safe. It's safe to talk about new refrigerators and cell phones and computers and other products designed to make life more interesting, more glamorous, more efficient. In fact, I've observed that one can conduct almost all of one's social interactions around this safety in things. This keeps anxiety low because there is no fear of touching something real when the topic of conversation is always this or that new product. Of course, it must be asked what we're missing living in this way, organizing our lives around things, worshiping things that aren't meant to be worshiped, longing for things that are dead and cannot long for us in return.

Another aspect of this is the thrill of the hunt and the catalyst of desire, which is especially present when bored and with plenty of time on one's hands. I learned from my friends Evan and Steph that a hydration backpack for exercising and hiking and stuff was on sale at Costco. I really liked it and decided right then I really needed it and wanted one. The next day I went on with my day as normal, but as soon as I remembered it I started calling Costcos in the area obsessively trying to find it. I texted Evan to find out where he got it. As soon as I found out, I tried to call but no one picked up. In a rush I left to try to get one because Evan said there were only a handful left. The store closed in an hour, so I had to hurry. Then I had to borrow my Dad's Costco card to get in, because he had already looked in another Costco for one earlier that day and I didn't want to ask him again. I arrived, rushed to where I thought it would be, and to my extreme relief, there were two left. It was not quite as much on sale as I thought it would be, but it didn't matter. I called home to see if they wanted the other one for their own use, as I would take mine with me when I left. They did, so I bought two, using debit and worried I didn't have enough to cover it, but o well, it was approved and I left satisfied.

Now this is a familiar tale in American consumerist culture. But the thrill of it was both scary and exhilarating. The unthinking desire that propelled me for a mere object I would use maybe twice a week, if that, was somewhat insane. I then thought of Buddhism and the Noble Truth that desire is at the root of suffering. I experience so much suffering in my life because I want so many things. I want to be better than I am, have more and more expensive and cooler things than I have, I want to look better, to eat better, to be better in other people's eyes. I want respect, I want to achieve so much, I want to be recognized for something good and beautiful that I produce. I realize that it is all this unfulfilled desire that leaves me totally unsatisfied with my life, even when I have so much, and so much to be thankful for. It's actually pretty incredible. It's like an extremely powerful spell. It doesn't actually make sense. When I think about how the entire world economy is based on unlimited desire for more things I can barely comprehend it. Yet without our economics our whole civilization would crumble...or would it? Somehow we've been told that the way out of the recession is to want more and to buy more. "Consumer Confidence" is such an important economic indicator. I think that's all ridiculous. There should be another economic indicator: "Consumer Awareness of Not Needing Another Thing". That would be extremely low, speaking from my own experience. But where does it all end?
I've been thinking about the wedding "industry" lately, and I find it interesting how the whole purpose of the wedding is to receive a bunch of stuff that basically replicates the two households in which the two people grew up. And with people delaying marriage later and later due to a variety of circumstances, I'm wondering how big the impact on the economy is from such a delay. I don't know. It's all a lot to think about, but I just can't understand the insane desire for things that rests deep within me on some fundamental level.

Friday, July 9, 2010

What to do

I decided that I need to write more even if I think I have nothing to write about. I know quality might go out the window but since no one reads this anyways I don't have to worry about it.

It's an interesting experience being home and without much of a job prospect and preparing to move to a city I've only visited before with only hope and love to take me there. Reading this article from the New York Times both heartened me and discouraged me. Basically the economy is terrible and it will take me much longer than I thought to get into a career path position. Also working against me, according to the article, is the silly optimism instilled in me by doting parents. That much is definitely true. I'm sure I'll find something, I think to myself. Why am I sure? What sort of assurance is there? The world is not my playground. Even with a Masters from a school in Princeton, NJ, the world does not care at all about me. I think that's one of the biggest realizations that must take place in the transition from adolescence from adulthood - from thinking that everyone is on your side, that everyone supports you and will help you, just like your parents have, to knowing that people in general don't care about you except to the extent that you are useful to them in some way. That's how the whole employment thing goes, I suppose - you just happen to be useful at that particular moment, and so they need you and want you.

It's not like I expect it to be easy. Maybe I do. But I at least thought there would be some opportunities along the way, something that would materialize, based on my education and credentials. I have never realized how naive I am until this whole process. And how few skills I have for making it in the real world because I have never had to practice these sorts of things. I love learning new things (I helped my dad and bro remove an old toilet and install a new one!) but I usually need a way in. I love to research, but I need some sort of starting point.

I've been urged to think outside the box lately, and I guess I'm finding that slightly difficult because first of all I don't know what that means, and second, because it takes a certain amount of concentration and a particular set of resources, I think, to be able to do that successfully. It's hard to concentrate around my house because there is always noise and activity and such. And I do want to spend time with my family before I go, it's just hard because it often seems like everyone is in their own world, like those used to being alone. I think each one of us really are used to spending time by ourselves. So I think that makes spending time together interesting.

Also, I'm really feeling like I need a plan. Somehow I'm living without a plan, or at least a plan I cognitively approve of, that will help advance me in life. I have ambition, but I need to focus it into disciplined habits. I need discipline because I know that without that I doubt I'll be satisfied with my life entirely. I feel like I need to simultaneously be easier and harder on myself at the same time. Quite a feat but we'll see.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Wooo Vuvuzelas!

The best part about the World Cup - hands down - is the chat about the vuvuzelas. I love the controversy it has sparked. I love the passive aggressive comments from the broadcasters. An absolutely brilliant Facebook group has cropped up: "Ban Football from Vuvuzela Concerts" http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=134628129887183&ref=mf. Whatever the exact issue is, whether it's about respecting cultural heritage or preserving the watchability of the World Cup games, it's all lost in a buzzing sea of blaring horns. I downloaded the Vuvuzela app for my Ipod touch to make sure that I too could join in with the buzzing masses. It really makes me want to become a bee keeper so I never have to be without that sound.
My brother, who is so smart and yet so naive, attempted to rectify the horrible viewing experience of every world cup match by adjusting the equalizer on our TV. He found out that the pitch of the vuvuzela is Bb, and lowered the appropriate setting on the equalizer. It sort of helped, but then the announcer sounded like he was trying to speak through a wall of glass, and it just wasn't working. O well, he tried.
Have you ever wondered how a vuvuzela actually works? Check out these step by step instructions.
You might be thinking as you read this, does this guy not care about soccer at all? Well, you're wrong. I'll tip my hand and reveal my favorite team: Vuvuzela FC.

HAPPY VUVUZELA-ING!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Disappointment

Maybe it's the crucible of finals, maybe it's coming to the end of things and wondering what happened to all the time I thought I had to live up to some idealized self I still cling to so dearly, but my sentiments toward PTS crystalized for me tonight. Maybe it was looking at all the awards on the website that I won't be winning. Maybe it was coming to write a paper and not knowing at all what it was I wanted to say, and realizing that I had in fact become stupider while at an Ivy League grad school. The incredulity of it all was pretty astounding. The sentiment that emerged, after gathering all the other disparate negative emotions into itself, was disappointment.
When I got the letter saying that I was accepted here, I was elated and terrified at the same time. The future was pure possibility. What I could achieve was limitless. Though I had a terrible transition from college, nothing could diminish my excitement for PTS.
When I arrived, I was so excited. Everything was new and yet historic, regal and decrepit, in a word, possibility.
But Junior year, something happened. I felt beat down by the system here. I was made to feel stupid by my peers, some of whom had spent the last four years formally studying theology and ready to go to the next level, whereas I knew the Bible, Greek, and lit crit but hadn't the slightest idea about archane theo-jargon. I was made to feel stupid by classes that were at once rudimentary and yet graded as if darts were thrown at a board with different letters pasted about. I was made to feel that it wasn't enough to love God and my neighbor, but that I had to love denominations and a way of doing things that was so much more like jumping through fiery hoops than growth in peace and wholeness. I was made to feel that the power structures in place here did not have a place for me unless I was interested in a narrow set of things I guess I was supposed to be interested in. I had no church community, had little sense of community in class except bonding over how terrible the instruction was most of the time. I made friends that made me very happy. But for some reason I cut myself loose from caring about being accepted by this place. I decided that I would not be made to feel anything, after all - that I was the master of my destiny and would not play the power games that run this place from the ground up.
Don't get me wrong - there are many people here that I love dearly. There are many whom I will miss sorely. There are people here who shaped me, for good or ill, and I can't change that.
But I can't shake the feeling of disappointment - feeling that I expected PTS to be something different (and better) than it is, and that I expected myself to do and be better while here - to excel. I'm just plain pissed about the ways I feel this place limited me - and then in turn the ways I limited myself. Did I do important growing here? Yes. Would I have come here if I had it to do all over again? Probably. But I can't help but feel that I was somehow passed over, forsaken.
I know it's easy to blame systems and other people instead of myself. I do want to take responsibility for what I did to not live up to my potential while here. But the feeling of betrayal runs deep. It's not easy to push away. And it has festered for a while.
I hope time can soften the intensity of my disappointment. I am grateful for all I was able to learn and experience while here. I guess I should just be grateful I survived this place. I'm definitely grateful for finding the love of my life here. I think that's the note I want to end on.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

How to Say Goodbye

With each quickly rushing past day, the end of my time here rushes at me from the future. And I'm not doing well with it, frankly. I never have learned how to say goodbye. I hold the past in my heart gripped tightly. I hold my past loves and fears as myself. They hold me.
Sometimes I do better than other times. It's usually first thing when I wake up and late at night that's the worst. It's when my guard is down, when the careful filters my intellect runs every thought and feeling through are lax.
I just can't understand what it means to say goodbye, to love a place and people so much and then move to a new place with new people and new places and people to love. It just doesn't make sense to me. And maybe it's not supposed to make sense. The passing of time will always have for me the sense of the tragic - an unfolding that we all perceive and must silently endure. But it must mean something, right? Time is what it is because it passes; we could not love or be happy or suffer without time. But time is so singularly devastating because it is inextricably bound up with loss. And loss makes even less sense than time. We have to have time but why do we have to have loss?
All that is to say that the thought of not seeing the people here that I love so dearly is unbearable.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

PTS Farewell Address - A Dream

I write this in the grogginess of just having woken up. I had a dream I want to remember. I don't remember the beginning very clearly but the end almost exactly. Wait - now I remember some about the beginning. There was a lot of anxiety about my graduation gown. It wasn't the right one. Somehow I didn't have one so I was wearing one from King's College in England. Then it went dark and I wasn't wearing that one either. Anyway...

So for some reason we were all giving farewell addresses to the entire class gathered in a lecture hall - like Stuart 6. I was one of the last to speak. The crowd was very restless, as they had been listening to everyone's speech before mine. I had some problems adjusting the mic, feedback and such, but when I fixed it here's what I said:

"I am thankful for the opportunity to know each one of you!" Thunderous applause. People are standing and jumping around and cheering profusely.

"Each one of you has blessed me these past three years." More wild applause. I guess I was anxious about the sincerity of this effusive praise, so I said with a smirk,

"Are you cheering for me only because I'm near the end?" No! they assured me loudly, with gestures as well. I could sense things were getting a little out of hand so I decided to get to the point and finish quickly. They were wild but I tried to get their attention, and so began,

"Providentia. It's a Latin word from which we get 'providence'. I applied to PhD programs this year but did not get in. So if I ever gave you a sour look this year, I'm sorry, I was dealing with things I didn't quite have the resources to deal with."

At that point my words were swallowed by the noise and raucous activity of the crowd. But I had said my piece, perhaps made my peace. Then the alarm went off.