Theft Deterrent

I like to keep my room so messy that it looks like someone has broken in and tossed everything everywhere to find the good stuff. Then if someone should really break in, they'll think it's been picked over and leave.

24 - Not Just a Show Corresponding to Actual Time

so this is what 24 feels like...

I feel like worms should come up with a plan B. "Oh shit, it's raining! Let's get on the sidewalk."

I passed a store in downtown Princeton called "King Interests". I think it sold things like fox hunts, intrigue, and coy mistresses.

Any other guys like pore strips?

How much PBR do you have to drink before you think you can fly?

I saw "Duplicity" Saturday night. It turns out the title refers to paying money to see it.

A Penchant for Penchant

I was looking around last night at the seminary used book sale for an opportunity to "ruffle some feathers". So I went to the philosophy table and kept asking, "who is plato?" Then I went to the theology table and asked "who is Karl BARTH (rhymes with Garth, Wayne's World)". That sure showed them.

In Narnia it is always winter but never Christmas, which for some children is horrible. But not if you're a Jewish skier.

The decision of whether or not to eat cookie dough inevitably comes down to what you love more: chocolate and sugar or blood in stool resulting from salmonella food poisoning.

Sorry to engage in some "chronological snobbery," but who ever EVER thought blood letting was a good idea? Yes I know about balancing the "humours" or what not. What I mean is that when you see someone, o, in a battle let's say, bleeding profusely, and this culminates in their speedy death, might the idea be to keep that red stuff inside you?

I can't help but turn 24 on Sunday. More ruminations on said topic to follow.

Beware the Ides of Stealing my Jokes

My girlfriend said she was doing Pilates at the gym yesterday, and i was wondering if that was similar to or different from crucifying the Lord.

Some guy made a similar statement today, and I told him in my mind to get out of my head. I don't know if he heard me. I don't speak "jokestealese".

March Madness is crazy.

Is it wrong to love irony more than your mother? What's that? You have to run and ask her? I knew it. You're hopeless.

Just like the hardest part of being a stand-up comedian is standing up, the hardest part of writing is writing.

I walked into the bathroom today and saw an empty "MONSTER" energy drink can CRUSHED in trash can. My first thought was that I am not cool enough to drink that. Now I think, Dane Cook definitely is, which might explain his fantastic and extensive body of work.

My brother asked me if I was just "going through a blog-o-phase". Hopefully, like bad Chinese food whizzing through my digestive tract, the need to poop all over the internet will end someday. I just can't say when. Sorry brother.

Blogs are dumb

Blogs are so stupid, I bet even Dane Cook has a blog. Yes, he does: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=469452&blogID=423389935. Don't actually go there. I just put that there so you would believe me.