Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Drink, Drank, Think!

A sad news story caught my eye: "A 23-year-old British man died after ingesting two spoonfuls of caffeine powder that had the same potency as 70 cans of energy drinks." 70! I can't believe Monster hasn't already developed an energy drink that has the potency of 70 energy drinks. Now they can't because it would just be insensitive!

As if that wasn't bad enough, he washed down the powder with an energy drink! I think it's clear that the whole "extreme" movement of "extreme" dudes drinking "extreme" drinks has gone far enough. Yes, I have enjoyed the rare Red Bull from time to time, but I just don't get the whole culture where you have to get so juiced on stimulants to do the things you probably wouldn't do without them in the first place. What kind of civil society is based on people running around buzzed out of their gourd, driving motorcycles over rows and rows of school buses? Who got all those buses to park like that anyway? Is there even a school nearby?

Of course, on the other end of the spectrum are things like "Drank," which is designed to "Slow Your Roll." It's billed as an "EXTREME RELAXATION dietary supplement." Chill out man. You need some "Drank!"

Whatever happened to the Golden Mean, where we just drink things that hydrate us and don't keep us up for days or put us to sleep in seconds? Water is delicious, and if you make coffee strong enough, it's pretty EXTREME. I wish you all the best wishes on sane beverage choices.

P.S. DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE NEW GATORADE G SERIES - I WILL NEITHER PRIME NOR RECOVER.

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