Is it wrong to love irony more than your mother? What's that? You have to run and ask her? I knew it. You're hopeless.

Just like the hardest part of being a stand-up comedian is standing up, the hardest part of writing is writing.

I walked into the bathroom today and saw an empty "MONSTER" energy drink can CRUSHED in trash can. My first thought was that I am not cool enough to drink that. Now I think, Dane Cook definitely is, which might explain his fantastic and extensive body of work.

My brother asked me if I was just "going through a blog-o-phase". Hopefully, like bad Chinese food whizzing through my digestive tract, the need to poop all over the internet will end someday. I just can't say when. Sorry brother.