I've been feverishly working on a personal website. It's been quite good for the soul. In fact, it brings me back to those days huddled in my cool basement with a phone cord snaking its way from the wall jack into the back of our Apple. I had heard about this thing called "Compuserve". The idea was that you dialed a special number through your computer that allowed your computer to "log in" and access information. I remember the inordinate frustration of dialing and redialing - the thrill of success when the icon said "Connected!" and the plunge to the depths of adolescent Hades when "Connection Lost" appeared instead. What could one do when connected? Well... lots of things. If you typed the number "1", you could see the latest world news, etc. Basically, the whole thing just excited me in a way I couldn't explain. But I've always been like that. I've always marveled at new technology, as much for the actual application of a thing as of the idea of what it makes possible.
I remember designing my first website. I had bought "Making Your Own Website for Dummies" and thought I knew my way around a little HTML because of the very limited set of commands that book taught. I can still see it now - the trite animated gifs of leaping flames - the scrolling banner that took way too long to figure out - the background image I carefully selected. It was great. I asked my girlfriend Sarah if she remembers "Geocities," and she said no. Sad.
Regarding my new site, my brother asked - what will you use it for? My first thought - unspoken - was, does it matter? Maybe I'm a Platonist or maybe just a dreaming innocent, but for me the idea, the naked possibility of a thing, is always just as if not more exciting than the thing itself. Who cares if no one visits my website. I made it. It exists. Its idea is clearly better than its execution. Pure possibility, potentiality, is dynamic beauty. That's saying a lot about a concerto of 1's and 0's, but I'm okay with that.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Write don't sleep
Well, sleep is hard to find these days so I might as well write. It's hard to figure out why I can't sleep, besides the fact I slept most of the day. I'm generally anxious, which is frustrating because it's not one thing I can nail down and say, yes this is bothering me. While there are those things, the bulk of them together confuse me and misdirect me, so I couldn't worry about just one thing if I tried. I'm trying to figure out exactly what it is I'm afraid of. It might be being homeless and jobless, or having a job I need but don't love. I'm very concerned that I don't have a great passion in my life. It's hard to be disciplined when one feels listless all the time. I'm trying to enjoy my remaining time here but it's hard. I feel pushed out and away. I know I'm not at the vital center of this place anymore, that it does not need me (if it ever did)! So here I am, rambling on and typing away when I should be sleeping. Sleep, please come soon.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Hebrews 4:14-5:10 Mini-Sermon
Just wrote this for a class and thought I'd share it.
Don't Cut Out the Middleman
In so many ways we are encouraged today in a little practice called “Cut out the middleman” (or woman!). It’s based on the notion that we know what we want ourselves, and don’t want to have to pay someone extra to tell us what we want or need because we already know. Whether it’s car insurance or kitchen cabinets, we are encouraged to “buy direct!” from the manufacturer. The old way, that of an agent or retailer getting in the way, trying to mediate between us the customer and the manufacturer, smacks too much of some patriarchal, paternalistic way of thinking, that we need to be guided by an expert to choose rightly. We hate this idea because we are the experts now; we have all the information we need to make the right decision. “Cut out the middleman!” is our battle cry! Now, this may all sound like some editorial in the business section of the newspaper, or beyond that, definitely in no way connected to Scripture, but I hope to show the profound connections between this trend and our text today. The direction of today’s message is that we need a “middleman” between us and God, and his name is Jesus, who mediates between us as sinners and God.
If one spends any time watching TV, one is bound to see commercials for insurance, of many different varieties. These commercials (and the companies they advertise) fall into two basic camps: the old school “friendly insurance agent” based approach, and the new “pick your own policy” based approach. The first approach is all about the heartwarming comforts of relating with an actual person who is “on your side,” who knows you and your needs, and works hard for you behind the scenes to make sure you are getting the best policy for the best price, and who is there for you whenever disaster strikes. It may not be the cheapest, but it’s the kind of security worth paying a little extra for. These commercials often go out of their way to show the humanity of their individual agents: they have a family too, with the same sorts of concerns and worries you do, and are often depicted in small-town diners with American flags in the background. In this approach, the middle-person is important because they provide a service for you that you don’t want to do, or don’t know enough to do, yourself. And in a pinch, when an accident occurs, you want the reassurance of an actual person on the other end of the line who will sympathize with your situation and work to resolve it. I remember one of these commercials in particular that was so loaded with feel-good symbolism that I started to tear up.
The second approach is all about getting the exact sort of coverage you need for the absolute cheapest price possible, because the “middle-person” has been cut out of the equation. It’s all about how much money you can save over those nearly pre-historic companies who still work through individual agents. You’ve got a computer and a cell phone – you don’t need anyone to pick your policy for you, someone who maybe adds more coverage than you need to pad their own pocketbook a little. The style of these commercials are either quick fast-paced action (you’re on the go – no time for human interaction!) or overly simplistic, in a white room depicting shelves and shelves of individualized policies, waiting only for you to claim yours. Everything about them is quick and efficient – if you need to file a claim, a response team will be there in thirty seconds! You’ll get your check before you can blink. The trendy and quirky nature of the ads suggests that anyone hip and not too old-fashioned does insurance this way. One that stands out in my mind is a person who has been given the sort of barcode scanning gun they give to those registering for a wedding. That person is empowered to select and customize their policy exactly how they want it, nothing more or less. Of course, the sort of people to whom this product is advertised never expect to have an accident anyway, so all in all it’s a moot point, just a legal annoyance.
When we look at Scripture, however, we see that the situation is much different, and that it takes a much higher view of "middle-people." In the Old Testament, priests were considered absolutely essential in performing sacrifices and purifying the temple. Without them, the sin of the people could accumulate to such an extent that God might abandon the temple. In this way, the priests were God's agents on earth, doing for the people what they could not do themselves. In the New Testament, and particularly the book of Hebrews, the camera recording the drama of salvation history zooms in on one "middleman" in particular: Jesus. Indeed, Jesus is a totally unique middleman, unlike any other.
Yet Scripture does more than just show us who the perfect "middleman" is, but also explains why we need him. It tells us that accidents do happen, that suffering occurs, no matter how prepared we are or how hard we believe that such accidents can never happen to us. It strips away the illusion that we can pick and customize the plan of our life to such an extent that we don't need anyone or anything else but ourselves. It reveals to us how foolish our notions are that we have all the facts and knowledge necessary to make the right decisions in life, but instead shows us that we need a powerful mediator, someone working on our behalf. But before we get ahead of ourselves, let's look at why the writer of Hebrews suggests that Jesus is the perfect "middleman" for us.
First of all, Jesus is able to empathize and have compassion on us and our struggles because Jesus has faced life's difficulties as well, yet he was without sin. Not only did Jesus experience all the suffering a human life encounters, Jesus faced the ultimate suffering, crucifixion bearing the sins of the world, in order to grant us eternal life. Jesus is not like that well-meaning friend who says "I understand" when you tell them of a particularly difficult time in your life, even if they have never encountered anything similar. Even worse, that friend may go on to relate a similar (in their mind) story of suffering they faced. Jesus does not do this. Instead of empty words, Jesus delivers with saving action, truly showing how much he relates to the suffering you and I face. This knowledge, that Jesus draws near to us in our suffering because he suffered too, gives us the strength to come to him with our suffering, and we know that he is mighty to save and comfort us in our trials.
Next, the author of Hebrews relates to us how important it is that Jesus was appointed by God, and not self-appointed, to be our mediator and middleman, there for us in the midst of life's accidents. As God's own Son, Jesus shares a special relationship with God, such that our Priest is a very member of the Triune God. This has great importance for us, because we know that Jesus' work as God's agent on our behalf is effective, and not like the priests in the Old Testament, who had their own sin to deal with in addition to ours. Since Jesus is God, our middleman is not like others, providing us access with something beyond. Amazingly, as God Jesus provides us access with himself, the Father, and the Holy Spirit in the mystery of the Trinity. We don't have to worry about whether or not our prayers are answered or our sacrifices of praise and thanksgiving are heard. We know they are because as we relate to Jesus, we relate to God.
Third, the author of Hebrews tells us that Jesus is our great middleman "forever". He's not like pastors who come and go, or friends who come and go, and especially not like insurance companies, from which we come and go. God installed Jesus as our mediator "forever". He will never stop working on our behalf. Elsewhere in Hebrews the writer says that "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." This means that the work Jesus did on earth, saving and healing the hurting and the sick and those in need of love and acceptance - Jesus is still doing that work, in heaven and with all the might of the eternal God. We can rest assured that our Savior and God in heaven loves us and saves us with an eternal love, undying and unquenchable.
So in all, friends, as we look to Jesus our great high priest, the mediator who makes things right between us and God, may our blessed Savior help us to see him and know him, that we might run to him in our time of great need, and find there healing and restoration. Amen.
Don't Cut Out the Middleman
In so many ways we are encouraged today in a little practice called “Cut out the middleman” (or woman!). It’s based on the notion that we know what we want ourselves, and don’t want to have to pay someone extra to tell us what we want or need because we already know. Whether it’s car insurance or kitchen cabinets, we are encouraged to “buy direct!” from the manufacturer. The old way, that of an agent or retailer getting in the way, trying to mediate between us the customer and the manufacturer, smacks too much of some patriarchal, paternalistic way of thinking, that we need to be guided by an expert to choose rightly. We hate this idea because we are the experts now; we have all the information we need to make the right decision. “Cut out the middleman!” is our battle cry! Now, this may all sound like some editorial in the business section of the newspaper, or beyond that, definitely in no way connected to Scripture, but I hope to show the profound connections between this trend and our text today. The direction of today’s message is that we need a “middleman” between us and God, and his name is Jesus, who mediates between us as sinners and God.
If one spends any time watching TV, one is bound to see commercials for insurance, of many different varieties. These commercials (and the companies they advertise) fall into two basic camps: the old school “friendly insurance agent” based approach, and the new “pick your own policy” based approach. The first approach is all about the heartwarming comforts of relating with an actual person who is “on your side,” who knows you and your needs, and works hard for you behind the scenes to make sure you are getting the best policy for the best price, and who is there for you whenever disaster strikes. It may not be the cheapest, but it’s the kind of security worth paying a little extra for. These commercials often go out of their way to show the humanity of their individual agents: they have a family too, with the same sorts of concerns and worries you do, and are often depicted in small-town diners with American flags in the background. In this approach, the middle-person is important because they provide a service for you that you don’t want to do, or don’t know enough to do, yourself. And in a pinch, when an accident occurs, you want the reassurance of an actual person on the other end of the line who will sympathize with your situation and work to resolve it. I remember one of these commercials in particular that was so loaded with feel-good symbolism that I started to tear up.
The second approach is all about getting the exact sort of coverage you need for the absolute cheapest price possible, because the “middle-person” has been cut out of the equation. It’s all about how much money you can save over those nearly pre-historic companies who still work through individual agents. You’ve got a computer and a cell phone – you don’t need anyone to pick your policy for you, someone who maybe adds more coverage than you need to pad their own pocketbook a little. The style of these commercials are either quick fast-paced action (you’re on the go – no time for human interaction!) or overly simplistic, in a white room depicting shelves and shelves of individualized policies, waiting only for you to claim yours. Everything about them is quick and efficient – if you need to file a claim, a response team will be there in thirty seconds! You’ll get your check before you can blink. The trendy and quirky nature of the ads suggests that anyone hip and not too old-fashioned does insurance this way. One that stands out in my mind is a person who has been given the sort of barcode scanning gun they give to those registering for a wedding. That person is empowered to select and customize their policy exactly how they want it, nothing more or less. Of course, the sort of people to whom this product is advertised never expect to have an accident anyway, so all in all it’s a moot point, just a legal annoyance.
When we look at Scripture, however, we see that the situation is much different, and that it takes a much higher view of "middle-people." In the Old Testament, priests were considered absolutely essential in performing sacrifices and purifying the temple. Without them, the sin of the people could accumulate to such an extent that God might abandon the temple. In this way, the priests were God's agents on earth, doing for the people what they could not do themselves. In the New Testament, and particularly the book of Hebrews, the camera recording the drama of salvation history zooms in on one "middleman" in particular: Jesus. Indeed, Jesus is a totally unique middleman, unlike any other.
Yet Scripture does more than just show us who the perfect "middleman" is, but also explains why we need him. It tells us that accidents do happen, that suffering occurs, no matter how prepared we are or how hard we believe that such accidents can never happen to us. It strips away the illusion that we can pick and customize the plan of our life to such an extent that we don't need anyone or anything else but ourselves. It reveals to us how foolish our notions are that we have all the facts and knowledge necessary to make the right decisions in life, but instead shows us that we need a powerful mediator, someone working on our behalf. But before we get ahead of ourselves, let's look at why the writer of Hebrews suggests that Jesus is the perfect "middleman" for us.
First of all, Jesus is able to empathize and have compassion on us and our struggles because Jesus has faced life's difficulties as well, yet he was without sin. Not only did Jesus experience all the suffering a human life encounters, Jesus faced the ultimate suffering, crucifixion bearing the sins of the world, in order to grant us eternal life. Jesus is not like that well-meaning friend who says "I understand" when you tell them of a particularly difficult time in your life, even if they have never encountered anything similar. Even worse, that friend may go on to relate a similar (in their mind) story of suffering they faced. Jesus does not do this. Instead of empty words, Jesus delivers with saving action, truly showing how much he relates to the suffering you and I face. This knowledge, that Jesus draws near to us in our suffering because he suffered too, gives us the strength to come to him with our suffering, and we know that he is mighty to save and comfort us in our trials.
Next, the author of Hebrews relates to us how important it is that Jesus was appointed by God, and not self-appointed, to be our mediator and middleman, there for us in the midst of life's accidents. As God's own Son, Jesus shares a special relationship with God, such that our Priest is a very member of the Triune God. This has great importance for us, because we know that Jesus' work as God's agent on our behalf is effective, and not like the priests in the Old Testament, who had their own sin to deal with in addition to ours. Since Jesus is God, our middleman is not like others, providing us access with something beyond. Amazingly, as God Jesus provides us access with himself, the Father, and the Holy Spirit in the mystery of the Trinity. We don't have to worry about whether or not our prayers are answered or our sacrifices of praise and thanksgiving are heard. We know they are because as we relate to Jesus, we relate to God.
Third, the author of Hebrews tells us that Jesus is our great middleman "forever". He's not like pastors who come and go, or friends who come and go, and especially not like insurance companies, from which we come and go. God installed Jesus as our mediator "forever". He will never stop working on our behalf. Elsewhere in Hebrews the writer says that "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." This means that the work Jesus did on earth, saving and healing the hurting and the sick and those in need of love and acceptance - Jesus is still doing that work, in heaven and with all the might of the eternal God. We can rest assured that our Savior and God in heaven loves us and saves us with an eternal love, undying and unquenchable.
So in all, friends, as we look to Jesus our great high priest, the mediator who makes things right between us and God, may our blessed Savior help us to see him and know him, that we might run to him in our time of great need, and find there healing and restoration. Amen.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Chapel Happenings
I went to the Princeton University Chapel to sit and to write. It's a place where I lose myself in grandeur and mystery, in quiet and thunderous noise from the organ. I was there not two minutes, when bursting into the silence, the organ began to play "Amazing Grace".
Here's what the OED says about the etymology of "providence": "God as exercising prescient and beneficent power and direction (second half of the 15th cent. or earlier; rare before the late 17th cent.) and its etymon classical Latin providentia power of seeing in advance, foresight, forethought, provision, power who or which exercises prescient and beneficent power and direction, in post-classical Latin also foreknowing and beneficent care and government of God (early 3rd cent.), purveyance, supply (from 13th cent. in British sources)"
That is all.
Here's what the OED says about the etymology of "providence": "God as exercising prescient and beneficent power and direction (second half of the 15th cent. or earlier; rare before the late 17th cent.) and its etymon classical Latin providentia power of seeing in advance, foresight, forethought, provision, power who or which exercises prescient and beneficent power and direction, in post-classical Latin also foreknowing and beneficent care and government of God (early 3rd cent.), purveyance, supply (from 13th cent. in British sources)"
That is all.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Waiting
What a hurly burly swirly of emotions of late, waiting to hear the decision on my fate. I've tried to come up with a variety of similes to describe what it feels like to be so powerless and helpless with regard to my entire life's future. In my morbid destructive times I feel like the character in Poe's Pit and the Pendulum (I had my great Poe phase as every melancholy American boy child should). The story's darkness for me is the darkness of ignorance. I imagine the sharp blade swinging through the cosmos and coming closer and closer to brushing my skin unawares, slicing indiscriminately.
Other times, I am nearly giddy with furious excitement and the urge to do, to make, to make some mark upon the world, some indent to let it know I'm here. Somehow I see my freedom bound to my fate, to the print on a page. Do the mail room employees understand the gravity of their task, sorting the decisions of one's entire life direction with distracted ease?
I'm afraid my life is one giant cliche, that I have been manipulated by forces I know not and cannot understand. It seems my fate to be mediocre, to merely be good. Is good good enough, though? If I miraculously found myself excellent, the best, would I love it or hate it? Why can't I establish a sense of worth apart from my achievements, especially as I consider my achievements so modest? Is all this just bourgeois whining, totally inconsequential?
At any rate, here I am, furiously waiting.
Other times, I am nearly giddy with furious excitement and the urge to do, to make, to make some mark upon the world, some indent to let it know I'm here. Somehow I see my freedom bound to my fate, to the print on a page. Do the mail room employees understand the gravity of their task, sorting the decisions of one's entire life direction with distracted ease?
I'm afraid my life is one giant cliche, that I have been manipulated by forces I know not and cannot understand. It seems my fate to be mediocre, to merely be good. Is good good enough, though? If I miraculously found myself excellent, the best, would I love it or hate it? Why can't I establish a sense of worth apart from my achievements, especially as I consider my achievements so modest? Is all this just bourgeois whining, totally inconsequential?
At any rate, here I am, furiously waiting.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
(Mis)Communication at PTS
At the SGA meeting two weeks ago, we were told at the beginning of the meeting we would discuss communication issues at PTS. However, there was a miscommunication and the requisite administrators were not in attendance, so we could not carry on the discussion. However, one administrator was there, and we had to apologize to her for the miscommunication and her inconvenience in attending.
Fast forward to yesterday; we were told at the beginning of the SGA meeting that we would be discussing communication issues at PTS, and this time the requisite administrators were in attendance. However, as soon as we began the "discussion," it quickly devolved into a shouting match with half-raised hands timidly going unacknowledged, while others made points that were interesting and valid yet were not taken seriously amidst the general din.
Now, besides the irony supersaturating this scene, upon reflection this revealed to me the much bigger problem with communication here that won't be solved through technology: most people don't take the time to truly listen to other people and try to understand their positions and the implications of those positions. Instead, when listening, people (and I certainly include myself in this category) hold so tightly and fixedly in their mind their own opinion on the issue at hand that they don't actually hear what the other person is saying at all, except to the extent to which it agrees or disagrees with that fixed mental position.
Now, this became a practical problem when certain suggestions that were offered fell on deaf ears, particularly the idea of using Facebook as a method for disseminating information. New studies show that "sharing" information through social networking sites is becoming an increasingly important medium for gaining and accessing information. If this suggestion is not taken seriously, I can't but critique the administration for failing to move with the flow of technology - to the end that events and lectures are less well attended, with the effect that the school suffers damage to its reputation when they invite speakers and no one shows up. I also think that disseminating information through a site like Facebook (such as a group where everyone joins, therefore only those who are actually interested in receiving updates and event invites will get them, and otherwise it's the person's choice not to be bothered) will result in a greater diversity of those attending lectures, including all aspects of diversity. This means that a speaker is not speaking merely to a niche audience who mainly already agrees, but that true dialogue might be opened up as those with vastly differing viewpoints are in attendance. This might be utopian, yes, but that doesn't make it any less important.
A final suggestion would be for the SGA to create a blog. The benefits of doing so would be that SGA could control who has access to adding information to it (such as administration, SGA elected officials, and student group leaders), but also students could easily add blog updates to a news feed type program (such as Google reader) and easily get updates to the blog, and be able to easily add events to personal electronic calendars.
One last P.S.- I really liked the idea, from either Grant Wadley or Ben Thomas (I think both agreed on it) to have a school newspaper. Although it's too late for me and other graduating students, I think it would be a fun and engaging medium that could unite our community in dialogue and awareness.
Thanks for making it through this long post, hopefully I communicated clearly ;).
Fast forward to yesterday; we were told at the beginning of the SGA meeting that we would be discussing communication issues at PTS, and this time the requisite administrators were in attendance. However, as soon as we began the "discussion," it quickly devolved into a shouting match with half-raised hands timidly going unacknowledged, while others made points that were interesting and valid yet were not taken seriously amidst the general din.
Now, besides the irony supersaturating this scene, upon reflection this revealed to me the much bigger problem with communication here that won't be solved through technology: most people don't take the time to truly listen to other people and try to understand their positions and the implications of those positions. Instead, when listening, people (and I certainly include myself in this category) hold so tightly and fixedly in their mind their own opinion on the issue at hand that they don't actually hear what the other person is saying at all, except to the extent to which it agrees or disagrees with that fixed mental position.
Now, this became a practical problem when certain suggestions that were offered fell on deaf ears, particularly the idea of using Facebook as a method for disseminating information. New studies show that "sharing" information through social networking sites is becoming an increasingly important medium for gaining and accessing information. If this suggestion is not taken seriously, I can't but critique the administration for failing to move with the flow of technology - to the end that events and lectures are less well attended, with the effect that the school suffers damage to its reputation when they invite speakers and no one shows up. I also think that disseminating information through a site like Facebook (such as a group where everyone joins, therefore only those who are actually interested in receiving updates and event invites will get them, and otherwise it's the person's choice not to be bothered) will result in a greater diversity of those attending lectures, including all aspects of diversity. This means that a speaker is not speaking merely to a niche audience who mainly already agrees, but that true dialogue might be opened up as those with vastly differing viewpoints are in attendance. This might be utopian, yes, but that doesn't make it any less important.
A final suggestion would be for the SGA to create a blog. The benefits of doing so would be that SGA could control who has access to adding information to it (such as administration, SGA elected officials, and student group leaders), but also students could easily add blog updates to a news feed type program (such as Google reader) and easily get updates to the blog, and be able to easily add events to personal electronic calendars.
One last P.S.- I really liked the idea, from either Grant Wadley or Ben Thomas (I think both agreed on it) to have a school newspaper. Although it's too late for me and other graduating students, I think it would be a fun and engaging medium that could unite our community in dialogue and awareness.
Thanks for making it through this long post, hopefully I communicated clearly ;).
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
It's a wide wide world
The thing about grad school is, you're expected to care a lot about a very narrow aspect of the human experience. And if you're not careful you can miss out on a lot of other things. I went to NY this weekend and visited an old friend. It was good for the soul. I was inspired by his courage to risk and dare. It makes me wonder if my own carefully constructed cosmos is too dependent on eliminating the possibility of risk and failure. My new motto is "noli esse timidus". Though Latin can be elitist, it is a well known fact that all mottoes sound better in Latin, so there it is. It means "Don't be timid". It means don't hold back when you need to speak or do. It means don't limit yourself by your own narrowly constricted rules and ways of thinking and being in the world. It means to dare to risk failure. Though an optimist by nature, and also a Calvinist pessimist by nature, I can only hope to fully live into myself and my motto through a sheer recasting of the self and the possibilities I allow myself. The only people who can't risk are the dead. Life is risk. In fact right now I'm risking sounding cheesy. I probably do sound cheesy. But since when did being real become trite? There's a lot of living to do folks! Let's get down and get to it.
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